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DAVID BENTLEY'S COLUMN

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PLAYING WELL WITH OTHERS

Ask children what they like best about school, and a common response will be recess and lunch. First grade parents are often alarmed by this response, even though they regularly live for the weekend to get a "recess" from their own work. For children, recess and lunch are two times when they get to socialize in a non-structured way.

Playground time is spent forming alliances with others who enjoy the same recreational activities. It is a time to share secrets, improve skills, act silly, and learn about teamwork. Although general rules to ensure safety and prevent complete bedlam apply, recess allows children more freedom of choice than they find in most classrooms.

Some kids on the playground are big and powerful and have a few loyal followers who do their bidding. The world is not going their way, so they decide to demonstrate how tough they can be. With no regard for rules, regulations or even common decency, these bullies challenge anyone who gets in their way, and are willing to do whatever it takes to "win."

Bullies justify their actions by blaming others or the situation itself. They will say that the rules governing the situation are stupid rules. When they don't get their way, bullies add the anger of defeat to their stockpile of resentments and look for a new target to harass. The attitude of "I didn't win this one, but I'll get even next time" ensures that brute strength and cunning will prevail over cooperation and reason.

Unfortunately, these attitudes and resentments can last through adulthood. We have to look no farther than the recent collapse of corporate giants and the current calls for war to see examples of adult bullies. So far, however, no one seems willing to take on the role of duty teacher and give these ruffians a time out.

  • How do you cope when you don't get your way?

  • Can you move beyond anger and resentment to compromise?

  • Do you listen to the advice and wisdom of peers?

  • What can you do to play well with others?

© 2002 David Bentley

David Bentley, M.Ed. & Personal Coach, coaches clients through the game of life, helping them find balance, clarity of direction, and purpose in an ever-changing world.

He can be reached by phone at 360.378.8436

by e-mail at david@coachbentley.com

or visit his Web site: www.coachbentley.com

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