DO YOU HEAR WHAT I HEAR?

WEEKLY COLUMN BY DAVID BENTLEY

DO YOU HEAR WHAT I HEAR?

When the parent volunteer finished reading Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer out loud, the kindergarten teacher asked who could name one of the reindeer in the story. Hands immediately shot up, and, one by one, each of the nine reindeer was named. When one child's hand remained in the air, the teacher called on her, and Mandy said, "Olive." Surprised, the teacher asked the child to repeat the name. The patient little girl repeated, "Olive," and then explained, "you know...Olive, the other reindeer."

This story and others, like the tale of the little boy singing "Silent Night" using the words "round John virgin," often come up at Christmas. Such stories are charming and whimsical, but they are insightful, too. In each of them, a child has listened to the words of a story or song, but not really heard them.

How often do all of us do this same thing? We listen to the words of another, but hear something other than what was said. We walk away confused or with a different meaning than was intended. I remember not knowing what was meant by "shadow dreams" in a song on the radio many years ago. Recently, I heard the song again and realized that the lyric is "shattered dreams." Spontaneously, I said out loud, "Oh, I get it now.v

When such misunderstandings occur in conversations, however, all kinds of problems can arise. Feelings get hurt, instructions get carried out improperly, people are misrepresented, and spouses frequently end up sleeping on the living room couch. Sometimes it is important for us to reiterate what we heard during a conversation to be sure it is what the speaker intended. Clarifying what we heard is usually much easier than dealing with the consequences that result from simply listening.

Can you remember a time when you or someone else listened, but didn't hear?
If so, what consequences did it cause?
Could those consequences have been avoided?
What steps will you take to ensure that you hear and are heard?

David Bentley, M.Ed. & Personal Coach, coaches clients through the game of life, helping them find balance, clarity of direction, and purpose in an ever-changing world.

He can be reached by phone at 360.378.8436

by e-mail at david@coachbentley.com

or visit his Web site: www.coachbentley.com

news @sanjuanislander.com

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DO YOU HEAR WHAT I HEAR?