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DAVID BENTLEY'S WEEKLY COLUMN

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DIFFERENT & ALIKE

Rather than wait for friends to greet me on my 50th birthday with black balloons and banners declaring me to be "over the hill," I decided to be proactive. I rented the local Grange Hall, sent out invitations requesting that people dress in 50s era clothing and bring their favorite casserole or jello dish, ordered 100 helium filled balloons, and waited for my approaching birthday.

Men appeared in blue jeans and T-shirts with rolled-up cuffs, sporting duck tail coiffeurs. Women arrived in Bobbie socks and stockings with seams down the back. One guest even showed up wearing her original prom dress from 1959. Reluctantly, and often forcing themselves to put forth the effort, over 80 people trickled in within 30 minutes of the scheduled start.

After we had all served ourselves from the buffet of vintage recipes, someone pointed out what an eclectic group of people we were. Looking around the hall, I realized that the only thing these people had in common, besides living on the same island, was that they all knew me.

Following dinner, we played musical chairs, tried to remember how to make hula hoops spin around our hips without falling to the floor, and learned a line dance called "The Stroll." All of this was done to 50s music on CDs and vintage, 45 RPM records.

For those few hours we all managed to put aside thoughts about impending wars and failing economies. Affluent or strapped, thick or thin, liberal or conservative, child or adult, weary or energetic, everyone got caught up in the moment and became energized by the spirit of the group. An unspoken, and perhaps hard fought, willingness to participate bound us into an intimacy we would not otherwise have created with one another. Discovering our childlike likenesses beneath our adult differences, we became willing to take a few risks together and have a good time.

  • How do you create social intimacy with others?

  • Do you embrace or avoid those who are different? Why?

  • Are you willing to take risks with people you don't know?

  • What are some ways to support one another during difficult times?

© 2003 David Bentley

David Bentley, M.Ed. & Personal Coach, coaches clients through the game of life, helping them find balance, clarity of direction, and purpose in an ever-changing world.

You may contact him at 360.378.8436

by e-mail at david@coachbentley.com

or visit his Web site: www.coachbentley.com

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