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DAVID BENTLEY'S WEEKLY COLUMN

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GROWING PAINS

Do you remember those terrible childhood pains in your legs that weren't caused by any specific injury? I used to get them frequently, but whenever I complained to my parents I was told they were just growing pains and nothing could be done about them. Mom assured me that everyone gets them while growing up, and Dad concurred that he had experienced them too.

Finding no solace in such responses, I would insist, "But it hurts!" Mother would nod, knowingly, and rub my legs, Still the pain would not go away for several minutes. Sometimes it even lasted an hour or more. It just wasn't fair to have pain for no reason other than growth, which was something over which I had no control.

Now I'm well into middle age, and my body has achieved most of its growth except for girth. However I still get growing pains. Unfortunately, the growing pains I get now are not confined to the bones and muscles of my legs and often last much longer than an hour or two. These growing pains are emotional, and are usually the result of me resisting change.

As a child, change was exciting, and I loved learning new things about myself and the world around me. As an adult, change threatens my status quo. Children know they are not in charge of most things. Adults like to believe that we're in charge of more than we really are. Every once in a while I need to be reminded that I still have more to learn, and nothing gets my attention faster than a bit of emotional pain.

No matter what the growth experience is -- falling in love, breaking up, grieving a death, losing a job, changing careers, getting older -- the solution is always about acceptance and stretching. The sooner I accept my next phase of growth, the sooner my emotional muscles stretch and the pain goes away.

  • What growing pains have you felt lately?

  • Were you able to accept and stretch?

  • If so, what helped you do that?

  • If not, what held you back?

© 2003 David Bentley

David Bentley, M.Ed. & Personal Coach, coaches clients through the game of life, helping them find balance, clarity of direction, and purpose in an ever-changing world.

You may contact him at 360.378.8436

by e-mail at david@coachbentley.com

or visit his Web site: www.coachbentley.com

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