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DAVID BENTLEY'S WEEKLY COLUMN |
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BEYOND TOLERANCE
In our conversation after dinner, my friend and I took up the topic of safety. The subject arose as a result of recent experiences with ferry sniff dogs and non-profit bank account restrictions imposed through the Patriot Act. Before long my friend confided that she had not felt safe enough to disclose her political beliefs in the recent election because they were opposite to those held by the majority within our community. Having always thought of our community as a tolerant place, I was shocked by her remark. Yes, there are those who are belligerent about politics. There are also those who put on black arm bands after an election that didn't go their way, claiming to be in mourning for something or other. I could also remember some name calling and offensive remarks in several letters to the editor. Still, I couldn't imagine being fearful about expressing one's political beliefs. As we talked, however, I began to understand my friend's point of view. For her, tolerance implies putting up with someone or something. Toleration is what we express when we don't like a situation, but have no other choice except to put up with it. We tolerate people and things that we perceive as a nuisance. As a result, we are often less than kind to those we tolerate. So I asked my friend what she wanted in the place of tolerance, and her reply was well thought out. She would like to see people move beyond tolerance to acceptance. By "acceptance," however, she did not mean "approval." She didn't expect everyone to agree with her or approve of her beliefs. However she did want people to accept her despite her beliefs rather than merely put up with her. The distinction she made is subtle, but important. It is likely easier to comprehend when one is in the minority.
© 2004 David Bentley David Bentley, M.Ed. & Personal Coach, coaches clients through the game of life, helping them find balance, clarity of direction, and purpose in an ever-changing world. You may contact him at 360.378.8436 by e-mail at david@coachbentley.com or visit his Web site: www.coachbentley.com |
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