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DAVID BENTLEY'S WEEKLY COLUMN |
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BEING HEARD
Have you been to a doctor's office where the nurse weighs you and takes your blood pressure; and then the doctor, after summarily looking at the three numbers on your chart, launches into "The Lecture"? You want to provide additional information, but there's no pause in which to insert it. Suddenly you feel like a child called to the principal's office without knowing why, and brace yourself to just take the punishment and get out of there. Fortunately, my doctor took far more than the typical five to 10 minutes for an office visit last week. He gave me time to tell my stories. He listened to my list of life stresses and the advantages and disadvantages of being single. He asked questions that required more than a yes or no answer. He even maintained eye contact as I responded. After a brief exam and a few more questions, he laid out a plan of treatment. This plan made it clear to me that he had listened to, and also heard, what I'd been telling him. He addressed not only my physical symptoms, but my fears and concerns as well. He praised me for what I was doing well, gave suggestions for improvement, and left room for negotiation on how to proceed. I left the office with a feeling of "I can do this." How often do we really attempt to hear what others are saying, or not saying, to us? It is so much easier to listen without hearing. We assume that others are just like us and offer advice that is neither requested nor appropriate. We become so busy creating a plan to fix the problem that we never fully comprehend what the problem actually is. No wonder so many of us never quite feel as if we are being heard.
© 2006 David Bentley David Bentley, M.Ed. & Personal Coach, coaches clients through the game of life, helping them find balance, clarity of direction, and purpose in an ever-changing world. You may contact him at 360.378.8436 by e-mail at david@coachbentley.com or visit his Web site: www.coachbentley.com |
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SAN JUAN ISLANDER © 2008 |
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