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December 30, 2002 to January 5, 2003
By Triana Èlan
So Far We’re Not Impressed
Ring a ding, ding. 2003 is being rolled in, rung in, dragged in or perhaps ignored altogether. So far the 21st Century has proven itself far from what’s been expected of it.
Remember Y2K? How many of you still have all that stuff? 2002 has been a year of a lot of excitement but no real news. A lot of "almosts." So the news people have to keep looking back. They’re still tracking how many people have been put in jail over Enron. Martha Stewart has been vewy, vewy quiet. We’re still chasing terrorists and whatever happened to the good intentions of helping Afghanistan rebuild?! Are they doing ANYTHING over there??? CNN are you listening? Tell us how we’re helping rebuild! We didn’t even get a chance to get a plane ticket over there before our economy hit the heap so we can’t afford a plane ticket even as far as Bumblestump Nebraska.
"Oh, so sorry...we promised to help you rebuild but now we can’t afford it because everyone who put us into office turned out to be criminals and we had to take them down and it turns out the economy went with them."
So now we have the wagging tongues blabbing about a war of some mysterious proportions and in the meantime North Korea decides it hasn’t had any attention for half a century and has a tantrum.
And we get to end the year with the first human clone born out of the scientific prowess of a bunch of fruit loops from Mars. The real human foreign scientist is all mad because his clone isn’t due until January.
Thank the Heavens Uranus is going to move into Pisces this year...I’ve had it with the Age of Aquarius. The Hippies had a good theory on paper, but it they forgot to throw in the critical equation of the human condition without the Love Drugs. Well never mind, they’re all safely retired now and Gen X is taking over if the Boomers would just get out of the way.
So you want to know what’s in store for 2003? Ha! If I’d told you what 2002 would turn out to be, would you have believed me??? Let’s just make up 2003 as we go along.
Aries (March 21 - April 20):
Back off and take a breath! Mercury’s retrograde in militant Capricorn could bring your show to a temporary halt. If you’re lucky enough to be employed, keep your trap shut so you’ll be able to stay that way. Be careful now, Aries, and be sure you have a good start to 2003 by keeping your focus. If you got any holiday money, hold onto it. The time for spending comes later.
Taurus (April 21 - May 20):
Don’t bother to make any resolutions, because Mercury goes retrograde on Thursday and you won’t keep them anyway. Whew. One less thing on the endless list you keep looking at. Venus and Mars in Scorpio have had a dragging influence on you for the past few weeks, but that changes in January and you’ll be able to shift out of first gear (or engage from neutral!).
Gemini (May 21 - June 20):
You aspiring twins will have the break you need in the coming weeks of 2003, so go after what you want (all three million of them!). Mercury, your Ruler, goes retrograde on Thursday though, but it will be sleeping in bossy Capricorn; an idea may bubble up from the depths and make itself known. Your mission for 2003: Pick one thing and stick with it! Yeah, right...that should last about a minute or two.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22):
Mercury going retrograde in your opposite sign of Capricorn could see you jumping from a frying pan into a fire if you’re not careful! With Mercury’s prolonged sojourn through your opposite sign of Capricorn, you’re focusing an awful lot on your partner or relationship issues. And there are always issues. Your sign is the master of issues. You have the magic of making an issue appear out of thin air! Now that’s real talent!
Leo (July 23 - August 22):
Don’t you wish you could just get rich and get it over with? Well, in the meantime, you can indeed count the wealth of good fortune that awaits you in January. Although Mercury retrogrades beginning Thursday, you have an awful lot of good stuff coming up, but you have to step up to the plate: Life isn’t going to deliver it to your door like Domino’s does. In fact, Domino’s won’t deliver unless you order first! So put in your order from Life.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22):
No, you don’t jest and nobody had better call you Shirley. If you don’t understand that, you’re either too young or too old to be a regular reader of this column. Or English isn’t your first language. It’s all your fault. Ha! Now I have your attention, because blame is in the air and you’re keeping a sharp watch. Lay it down, Virgo. Blame is silly and belongs in the schoolyard. Mercury goes retrograde on Thursday in Capricorn, to a new project could be slow getting off the ground.
Libra (September 23 - October 22):
Oh Libra, you’d better add some ballast to your side of the scale in order to tip it in your favor. Mercury’s retrograde in Capricorn beginning Thursday could bring about a conflict on the home front. If you live alone, check your hoses and pipes and foundation. If you’re living with someone, stay out of conflict. If you’re divorced and in the process of splitting the booty, don’t expect to make any theoretical headway and don’t ask to change any rules in January. Other than that, enjoy yourself!
Scorpio (October 23 - November 22):
Don’t get your knickers in a twist over someone’s reaction to a recent idea of yours. It will only encourage you to be secretive and distance everyone. Really, Scorpio darling, a fresh change of attitude will do you good. Go and look up famous Scorpio people who aren’t criminals, see what similar traits you have to theirs, and develop those traits. Get out the polish and shine yourself up, then go show off your sparkle.
Sagittarius (November 23 - December 20):
Watch it, Archer, January could fool you and you hate that. Mercury goes retrograde on Thursday in your solar second house of finances, so you might suffer either a setback or a false start. But never mind, you’re resourceful. If all else fails, cry. That always fixes things, since you’re the Happy Bug who keeps everyone else in a good mood even during the darkest times.
Capricorn (December 21 - January 19):
Mercury goes retrograde in your sign on Thursday, so don’t expect your thinking to be especially sharp during the first month of the New Year. If you’ve been procrastinating, you might find some flotsam and jetsam from 2002 floating into your new year that will clutter up your resolutions. Being the first one to break your own rules, you may as well relax and laugh at yourself.
Aquarius (January 20 - February 19):
Mercury retrogrades in practical Capricorn on Thursday, which could reveal some flaws in your thinking. Someone from your past may emerge suddenly, reminding you that there are some regrets that need to be sorted out. Just sort them out, don’t explain them away. The good side to all this is Mars and Venus gliding into friendly Sagittarius in January, inviting you to have some fun! Go do it.
Pisces (February 20-March 20)
Retrograde alert! Mercury goes backwards in bossy Capricorn beginning Thursday, so you may be being unduly hard on yourself. Get over it, Pisces. Whatever is undone isn’t of any cosmic significance and there’s no need to blow everything up into biblical proportions. The neat thing about Mercury sleeping in Capricorn is that you can more easily come up from underneath and turn situations to your own advantage. As long as you don’t scare yourself.
© 2003 by Triana J. Èlan
Email Triana at elan@rockisland.com
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