Guys it's your call: Love's loss or sweet victory?

COLUMN BY MATT PRANGER

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Guys it's your call: Love's loss or sweet victory?

February is the longest little month of the year by guy standards. There are no major sports playoffs. Basketball and hockey are the only sports on the television and their seasons are a few months from revving up. Nasty weather often prevents golfing, kayaking, fishing and other outdoor recreation.

Add to this bleak and blah month one of the male's most dreaded holidays and many men probably secretly wish February would be divided up amongst the other months. If February were skipped, we could go from the Super Bowl straight to the NCAA Tourney and the start of Major League Baseball spring training. A year minus February would also eliminate Valentine's Day and the heart palpitations many fellows will undoubtedly feel.

A guy's heart going rapidly thump-a, thump-a, thump-a on the Lover's Holiday most likely isn't due to his amorous emotions kicking into hyperdrive. No, usually a man's blood pressure shoots into the red zone as, once again, he realizes he forgot to buy his sweetheart a Valentine's Day gift. He knows he's heading to the penalty box for several periods, if not games.

Guys can avoid this needless punishment by devising a game plan well ahead of time. Make reservations now for the best restaurant on the island. If it's too late for the swankiest joint, reserve a table at another nice eatery. Order flowers or chocolates now and have them delivered to her work on the big day. Write an original, loving note. (This is similar to sinking a three-pointer from half-court.) Don't be cheap. If possible, buy a dozen long-stemmed roses and fancy chocolates. A half-pound of lip-swirling hand-made chocolates is much more likely to get you a victory hug than a trite, heart-shaped box of waxy sugar balls.

If you really want to score big, buy her some sexy, yet tasteful, red or black lingerie. This will validate your claims that you browse her Victoria's Secret catalogs "only to find the perfect gift for her." Warning: Don't botch this play by ordering too large; in this maneuver, smaller is always better.

Of course, being a man (Memory Almost Nonexistent), you'll forget this advice as soon as the next ball falls through the hoop. So, here are a few last-minute saves:

Buy some jewelry. Preferably something with diamonds, but if that's not in the budget, purchase something classy. Remember: It's the carat that counts.
Make a hand-made card. If your drawing ability is on par with mine (about a second-grade level), make sure you sign the card. You don't want a son or daughter getting the credit. Also, be sure to write something original.
Send the kids to a babysitter, for the night. You'll likely have to contact unattached friends or relatives for this assignment.
Fix her favorite dinner. Buy some champagne or sparkling cider. Light candles, stuff the napkins in rings or the glass. Don't forget dessert. If it's too late to purchase a decent delicacy, spoon her instant chocolate pudding smothered in canned whipped cream.
Rent her favorite date flick. Don't laugh when the guy and girl get together after defying Bulls-routing-Lakers odds. If you don't know her preferred love story, rent or buy "Casablanca." It's a sure bet every time.
Dance. Shock her by cueing up that syrupy CD you gripe about, take her in your arms and slowly, sway around the living room floor.
Kiss. Not just any smooch: Give her a kiss that makes Al Gore look like a bumbling Rookie Leaguer with the Everett AquaSox. After she catches her breath, kiss her again, and again.

If you forget everything else, be sure to let her know you'd have never made it to the Big Leagues without her as your go-to girl and most dedicated fan.

Matt Pranger owns and operates daily news site with his beautiful, lovely, dear, sweet, charming, gracious and most of all understanding wife Sharon Kivisto.

news @sanjuanislander.com

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