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Hope springs perennially
posted 03/01
I know spring will not officially bloom until March 21. And even though our island winter hasn’t been as gray, damp, dreary and moldy as usual, I’m ready for some balmy weather. There are so many chores to do. My lovely and insuppressible wife will be saying I need to be trimming, painting, planting, weeding, mulching and cutting. Words often mean different things to different people. Particularly in my six months of marriage I’ve noticed my wife’s definitions tend much more toward the unabridged meaning than mine.
For example, she will say I should be trimming back the blackberry bushes, painting the house, planting a vegetable garden, weeding what the pup hasn’t dug up of the flower garden, mulching these gardens and cutting the grass (or sedges, depending on the rainfall).
In my clear as Mississippi mud of a mind, I believe the terms can only mean:
- Trimming. As in trimming the sheets on friends’ sailboats. I’m determined to spend more time on the water this year and I plan to embark on this goal early. I’m also going to sign on with the San Juan Sailing Foundation again. (Blatant Plug: The Sailing Foundation is a great organization for the entire family. It’s worthy of support whether you enroll in a class, enjoy a family outing or never even ply the waves.)
- Painting. I’ll be devising paint schemes for my face if local basketball teams play in the state basketball tournament.
Planting. I’ll be planting my butt in my recliner, watching the NCAA Basketball tournaments. Hopefully the rays from my Lil’-Screen RCA will stimulate growth in my brain not just my mid-section.
- Weeding. My sportswear -- not jackets with lapels and fake pockets -- but my hats, T-shirts and sweatshirts will need weeding. There is worn-out clothing sporting Wolverines, Vikings, Lobos, Tigers, Mariners, Cardinals, Hawkeyes, Packers and Irish logos needing to be yanked from the dresser drawer and tossed in the trash.
- Mulching. Of course I know my dear wife doesn’t mean spreading cocoa bean shells on garden beds, but "munching" Cocoa Crispy bars between casts for smallmouth bass and cutthroat trout on island lakes.
- Cutting. This can only mean one thing: Cutting work to see Mark McGwire, the rest of the Cardinals and the Superstar-less Mariners cutting away at pitches in an exhibition game. (Business owners should be aware that a major-league Blatant Plug might be mentioned for them if this writer were offered box seats or comparable tickets.)
As with most dictionary revisions, only a few of my definitions will creep into use. Most of the chores will be performed in a traditional manner, but I ain’t giving up hope. (Apologies to my English teachers.)
Matt Pranger lives on San Juan Island, where he maintains at least 10,000 acres of lawn and gardens with his understanding wife.
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