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"ROAD TRIPS" by THE OLD SQUID


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Previous columns

The Shroud of Sport Tourin
(part 1)

The Vortex of Doom
(part 2)

Real Motorcycle Shops and What Dad's Are For
(part 3)

Laguna Seca-
(part 4)

Is North Really Uphill?
(part 5)

"Road Trips" by The Old Squid

"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you may be swept off to." Bilbo Baggins

The Vortex of Doom

We woke up bright and early on Tuesday. It had been hot the day before. 101 coming into Grants Pass. Earlier in the summer my son had been complaining about some 80 degree weather in Friday Harbor so I figured that this would tune him up! I told him that we needed to start early to avoid the heat of the day as much as possible and for once, he didn't argue. Denny was up and left ahead of us and headed to Happy Camp via a little back road wešd used the year before. Tight and twisty with many drop-offs and gravel patches cunningly hidden in blind corners, I reckoned that this was a road for experienced old squids and I wanted to avoid it for Nat's sake. This turned out to be a good choice even tho he and I had never talked about it.

We said goodbye to Denny and agreed to meet later that day in Weaverville. We headed down I-5 first and over the Siskiyou summit. I-5 from Eugene OR to Redding CA is actually a lot of fun with steep hills and high speed turns to keep interest up. Just after crossing into California and going through "Fruit Customs", we turned right at Hwy 96 and headed for Happy Camp and the Trinity Alps the easy way. Along the way, I was keeping a watch on Nat in the rear views. He's been riding over three years now but we've rarely ridden together so I wanted to make sure...oh Hell! I was just being a nervous Dad.

He was keeping up pretty well even though he sometimes would slow way down for reasons I wouldn't understand until later in the ride. I would get ahead then slow until I saw his light coming out of the last turn then I'd speed up again. I'd been motoring along and had been going slow for awhile when I became nervous. I slowed way down, finally stopped and sat idling by the road. After three or four minutes, no Nat, so I turned around and backtracked. I was really getting nervous as I'd gone back quite a ways now. I had visions of him going over the edge and down the very steep bank towards the river.

Finally I saw him by the roadside, standing up thank goodness, but looking at his bike with a puzzled expression. I pulled over and killed the engine on my bike. I asked what was wrong and he said that his motor started making a funny noise and lost power. He started it and Yup! something was amiss. Loud popping sounds from behind the fairing led me to believe that an exhaust pipe had come adrift. I went to start my bike to pull it into the shade and...nothing! Both bikes dead in the same spot at the same time.

I later came to the conclusion that this was due to some electronic vortex and that the other end of this wormhole is what makes the Trees of Mystery. It also causes that place going into Weaverville where the Trinity River goes downhill all the while the road next to it goes uphill! Sure, that's it. Electronic wormholes. Why else would two of the most reliable bikes built break down together like this?

Well, I found I could bump start the XX by running alongside while I popped the clutch in second gear. This was a bit dicey as it wanted to GO with all 130 HP as soon as it caught. I had visions of me flapping from the bars like a cartoon character if I made a mistake and gave it too much throttle. Nat's bike would run kinda sorta so we limped to the little town of Klamath River. I pulled over in an abandoned service station and started to work.

Nat's bike turned out to have blown a sparkplug out of the head. Not good. Bits of aluminum threads clung to the end of the plug. I cleaned the threads with a knife and put the plug back in the still hot engine. It was a very tight fit and the wrenches would only allow 1/8 turn per try. I was doing a Homer Simpson-esque dance: turn "OUCH!" turn "OUCH!" and repeat many times.

There was nothing obvious on my bike but looking at the headlight while Nat revved it up, I saw the light brighten a bit so I knew the alternator was putting out some juice. I pulled the headlight fuse (always on otherwise) to save the battery charge and crossed my fingers. This is lonely country and if the battery was completely dead, we were screwed. We limped to Orleans while every hiccup got my full and undivided attention.

At the gas station in Orleans, I tried the starter and to my great relief, it worked! At least I could trickle the battery by running with no lights. It was here that I also found out why Nat would lag in some sections. He asked if we would see any more roads with steep drop offs on one side. Seems that he had a serious phobia of mountain roads that are cliff on one side and air on the other!

I told him the truth. It was gonna get worse, way worse! I gave him what tips I could but the road from Orleans to Hoopa is a sumbitch. Last year, this is where I met Jesus and Elvis in a corner! A few miles out of Orleans the road crosses the river and heads up the mountain. A sign says "Narrow Road Use Caution". A couple of miles farther and a sign says "Road Narrows". This is very twisty, steep, and narrow but a couple of miles more and another sign announces that the "Road Narrows" yet again!

I could tell that he was tense and with good reason. This road has a high pucker factor for an experienced rider. For a young rider who hated mountain drop-offs it must have been a terror. He made it though and faced his fears here. Later roads weren't so scary he said and I told him that he wouldnšt see anything even close to this later on the trip.

The afternoon had been heating up while we focused on engine troubles and the final miles to Weaverville were cookin hot! Narrow rock canyons like saunas and heat that was so bad that to lift your helmet shield was like having a heat gun pointed at your face! The final hill down to Weaverville seemed cooler though. Then I saw a sign that said 107. The canyons must have been 115. Deadly hot.

OS riding tip #4: In really hot weather, drink until you have to pee. Even if you donšt, the effort will put off dehydration.

OS riding tip #5 In cookin hot weather, keep your riding gear on to slow evaporation. In the tempting "shorts and a tee shirt" look youšll be dangerously dehydrated and dizzy in four hours!

Next morning, a look at a local paper forecasts 108 for Weaverville. Time to get out of Dodge. I lube the chains and start checking tire pressures. Of course the valves on the front tires are always up hidden under the fender so I grab the fairing on Nat's bike and lift the wheel up while I lean over to give the wheel a spin and POP...

(Those of you who have never thrown your back out can skip a couple paragraphs. You have no concept of how disabling it is and you'll just snicker at us old geezers!)

...I dropped like I'd been shot. Using the bike as a crutch, I climbed semi-upright. I felt like Išd stepped down the evolutionary ladder a few rungs as I hobbled into the room. "You alright?" says Denny. "Hell no!" says I. But I've been here before. I stretched and dosed with vitamin "I" (800mg Ibuprofen). Nat got the bike packed and I hobbled out. The good thing I'll say for a really hot day is the way the sun feels on a torqued back. Better than a heat pack I kept lying to myself. I did make one mistake in reinstalling the headlight fuse in hopes of a miracle cure. The battery was soon dead and I must have looked like a demented chimp, all hunched over as I bump started the bike at the next town. That undid most of the good the sun did for my back.

We stopped in Eureka and the Honda shop diagnosed a dead voltage regulator and "No" they had none in stock. What do you expect from a shop that sells motorcycles, lawn mowers, and hot tubs all on the same floor? I was kinda looking for a demo hot tub though. I would have used it. I called ahead to West Coast Cycle in Petaluma and had them order a regulator and "next day" delivery. They also had a Macadam 50 rear tire for Nat's bike and a chain for the XX. I figured that I might as well beat the crap out of my credit card.

I'd hoped to make it to Petaluma by afternoon but the cooler weather didn't show up and we stopped in Laytonville in 112 degree heat at 4 PM and checked into the first place that had air conditioning.

PART THREE

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