How Is Duct Tape Like the Force?

"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you may be swept off to."
Bilbo Baggins

How Is Duct Tape Like the Force?

posted 08/31/2007
Orcas Island on a pleasant Thursday evening and I'm riding back to a friends place after listening to the open mike night at Doe Bay Café. I'm riding the sidecar rig on the pleasant, twisty Orcas roads when suddenly the rig slams down on the right-hand side. The bike pulls hard towards the side of the road as I fight the steering, trying to figure out what's happened. I finally stop and looking back I see a long trailing haze of rubber smoke.

Examination reveals that the suspension for the sidecar is held to the body of the car by a single bolt and that bolt is now in two pieces. I sit for a minute and let my nerves calm down and assess my possibilities. The bike won't move. The sidecar fender is solidly pressing on the tire. It's getting towards dusk. There is no cell service in this area. I have no spare bolts on the bike. It's a quiet country road and I don't know anyone in the immediate area. So things are looking up!

The first thing that I do is look in the ditch for a bolt. Don't laugh! Many years ago I lost one of the nuts holding the floorboard onto to my old 1941 Harley. Nothing unusual for that bike. It was after all a Harley and they vibrate and shed parts like a longhaired cat sheds fur on a black sweater.

I was very young and new to motorcycles and I had a minimum of tools and no spare parts. In desperation I started looking alongside the road and...there it was, a nut! 3/8%quot;, SAE fine threads, perfect. It wasn't the one I lost either. That had happened many miles before.I quickly threaded it on and used the small crescent wrench in my back pocket, the extent of my ‘tool kit', to tighten it up.

Now I always look in the ditch first. I've also decided that Harleys don't lose parts, they stockpile spares for other future riders. Every bolt and nut holding a Harley Davidson together shares DNA with the Swiss Army knife and built into that molecular structure is a primal command to be free and get lost.

Swiss Army knives become lost in places where you are absolutely certain that it's impossible. Harley parts leap off the bike and into the landscape with abandon so now, when I ride my Harley, I no longer curse the missing part anymore. After all, it's only fulfilling its destiny!

No luck in this Orcas ditch though. Not enough Harleys on the island I guess. I need to get to the root of the problem though as light is fading so I tip the rig up on its left side. The sidecar is heavy but after a certain point it over centers and the whole thing rests up in the air with the bike touching on its wheels and the left cylinder head.

The offending wheel flops down and I see that the broken bolt actually has about a 1/4" stub remaining with even a few threads showing. Maybe I can screw it back in I think. OK, that's called magical thinking and it's what keeps people buying lottery tickets. For the record: IT'S NEVER THAT SIMPLE! I only found that missing nut by the side of the road once.

So now, I try to screw the broken stub in. Nope, the threads are too far-gone on the portion of the bolt remaining. Then I have a brilliant idea. A bungee cord wrapped around the suspension would push the bolt into its hole and I could carefully ride home. I do this and drop the rig back onto three wheels... and the bolt pops out and the fender is on the tire again. Bam!

It's at this point in the narrative that a young man in a pick up truck drives by, stops and backs up. Now if this were a Hollywood movie, the music would change to a minor key and "something bad" would happen! I know that's not the case in real life though. Hollywood, the nightly news all know that fear sells and so we are taught to avoid strangers, fear encounters, expect danger. As a society, we have bought into this in a way that no one could have anticipated.

Last week a 9th-grade boy doodling in an orientation class for the upcoming school year drew a ray gun on his notes. He was deemed a threat and was led away in handcuffs and expelled! After a huge negative outcry the school district agreed to let the boy back in but only after a five-day suspension. "We still consider this boy's actions a serious threat to the safety of other students," said a district spokesperson. How did the Greatest Generation ever father the Stupidest Generation?

The young man stops. "Need a hand?" he asks. I explain what's wrong and describe my attempt with the bungee strap.

"How about using some duct tape?" he says. He hands me a roll that he has behind the seat and we wrap the tape around and around the suspension. Half a roll of tape later we set the sidecar down. It holds. I bounce it a little, then a little more. It still holds. I drive 50 yards down the street. All is well. My Samaritan pulls up and asks if I want him to follow me. I wave him off and say it'll be OK if I go real slow. I offer him what's left of his roll of duct tape but he says that I may need it and drives off.

Unusual? Nope. This is typical of how people generally treat each other. I really don't worry out on the road and while I strive to make my equipment well maintained, a breakdown is simply another adventure, another challenge to overcome, and another stranger to befriend.

I will say this though, Orcas is a mighty long island at 15 mph. Oh, by the way, duct tape is like the 'force' in that it has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together. Now, off for a five-state tour with friends on a road trip to Utah. More stories upon my return.

- The Old Squid

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