Taking Care of the Caregiver

COLUMN BY SUSAN HILL

Taking Care of the Caregiver

posted 2/11/2008
Providing care for a family member is a customary tradition in most cultures. Today, with more people living into extended old age or experiencing prolonged disability from chronic illnesses or cancer, the responsibility of family caregivers is greater than ever and affects more people for extended periods of time. Both men and women take on the caregiver role but it often falls disproportionately on women, who have typically filled the nurturing function in the family. Yet regardless of who assumes the role, taking care of the caregiver is paramount to prevent burnout.

The caregiver role is very challenging, whether it developed slowly over many years or abruptly fell into one's lap. There may be a mix of emotions that propel the caregiver, from love and duty to guilt and despair. The demands are huge and can be never ending. Caregivers frequently get caught in the slide of ever-expanding duties as the loved one's abilities dwindle. Soon care is required 24/7, often without relief. Exhaustion, frustration, anger and depression can set in.

The role of caregiver affects the person providing care as well as the family in general. There is a loss of personal time and decreased ability to earn income may create financial stress in the family. A caregiver may have little emotional energy left over for other family members. And a caregiver is often sleep-deprived, with little time for relaxation, regular exercise or to deal with personal health issues. In this state, the best-intentioned caregiver can feel overwhelmed, trapped and isolated. Sometimes the caregiver becomes ill due to physical and emotional depletion.

Profile of a Caregiver

64% are women
80% are stressed
41% are the spouse
44% are the daughter/son
85% are 35-64 yrs. old
78% also juggle a job
22% feel overwhelmed
47% appreciate life more

Care giving is most successful if a team approach is used. Even if there are few family members, recruiting help and support is critical. When one person is the main caregiver, others can help by doing errands, taking the loved one to appointments, giving emotional support, or providing financial support for temporary caregivers to give the full-time caregiver a break. Caregivers often get trapped into the mindset that they are the only one who can provide proper care and are reluctant to relinquish the role even when exhausted. Creating a network of support and assistance will prevent this situation. Knowing and acknowledging one's limits is also crucial.

Stepping back and evaluating the situation is a first step. Asking for help is frequently difficult for many of us and is a big hurdle to overcome. A family meeting can help identify what needs to be done and who can contribute what talent, time or money. There could be rotation of duties to spread the load and distribution of tasks among several family members. Friends and neighbors are often willing to help if asked and given specific jobs. People usually feel flattered when asked to help and feel personally rewarded when given the opportunity to lend a hand.

Sharing the responsibility, taking breaks, voicing frustrations, learning how others solve similar problems can all help lighten the load of the caregiver. An excellent resource for caregiver information, support, tips and newsletter is the Family Caregiver Alliance at www.caregiver.org. Meeting your own needs is not selfish. It enables you to continue caring for your loved one.

To comment on the column, email susan@sanjuanislander.com

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