Zucchini race photos from San Juan County Fair 2001

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San Juan County Fair Zucchini Race photos

Glorious gourd garners gawks in Zucchini 500

Story and photos by Matt Pranger
Last week I donned bib overalls and became immersed in the San Juan County Fair -- not just in the Kiwanis dunk tank but by observing, judging, photographing, sampling, volunteering and competing. Yes folks, after attending as many fairs as Pinky The Pig has piglets, I finally found a competition to match my abilities: The Zucchini 500.

The Zucchini 500, a race modeled after the Cub Scouts' Pinewood Derby, brought together all the qualities that make a county fair wonderful: cultivation, creativity, craftsmanship, camaraderie and in my case, quirkiness. The rules governing the gourd racers in the Fair's inaugural Zucchini 500 were pretty simple:

Length Limit - Determined by the length of the zucchini.
Height Limit - Twelve inches.
Width Limit - Twelve inches.
Age Limit - None.

I figured with these straightforward regulations I could be a contender. And with a liberal interpretation of " zucchini" I might even secure a ribbon. Craftily, I sized up the competition during the preliminary races. (Out of sensitivity to the zuke racers I can't call them " heats." ) And competition in the initial races was stiff, with the zuke racers being fresh off the grocery shelf. OK, Simone and Evan Barley-Greenfield of San Juan Island dominated. But the field grew by 150 percent the next day with the addition of the San Juan Island Brockmans -- Jason, Jeremy and their mother Tammy.

Simone and Jason used different wheel and axle technology to lead the pack. Simone chose the duct tape-and-skate-board-trucks method while Jason opted for the more simplified approach of notching his zuke and placing it on a K'NEX wheel assembly.

I opted for an even more radical wheel strategy for my racer, but kept it under wrap until the afternoon of the final. Of course my pit crew chief, my wife Sharon Kivisto, will claim otherwise, she called me something like " PROCRASTEENATOR." Abbreviated that is " PRO" and that's kind of her to say, especially since she's a veteran NASCAR fan, but I'm just a rookie zuke racer and ignorant of those fancy racing terms.

Anyway, after a trip to Friday Harbor Drug for duct tape and two doll bicycles and Friday Harbor Hardware for washers and screws, I began assembling my racer about an hour before the finals. I almost had to scrub the racer and feed it to Pinky when I discovered the hub of the rear bicycle wheels were smaller than the screws I purchased. My wife recruited County Commissioner Darcie Nielsen to our team and she helped find some nails. The delay necessitated bringing on a chief mechanic -- carpenter Dan Bacon -- who helped finish my racer's frame and tape its zukes to the chassis.

Dashing through the Main Building and past inquisitive fair-goers, I arrived at the Skate Park with seconds to spare. Of course the other competitors stared with envy at my rare, imported zucchini from Fictitiousania. I think it was Evan who cried: " That's not a zucchini, that's a watermelon!" I knew the rules didn't define what type of zucchini, but just to be safe I stuck a store bought one in my 13-pound import. With that addition, my racer -- Gadzukilla -- grew a few inches over the height limit and was relegated to the exhibition class.

Eagle-eye Evan also pointed out another flaw -- the hub of those darn rear bicycle wheels stuck out more than I expected, a half-inch over the 12-inch width limit and Gadzukilla didn't fit on the track. I zipped back to the pit (the San Juan Islander booth) and my chief mechanic quickly modified the racer.

When I returned, Race Superintendent Brent Snow, known as " Blizzard" during his heydeys on the zuke circuit, generously offered a trial run. Considering the questionable condition of the rear axles, I declined. Jeremy's racer blasted down the track while mine hung up in mid-track. While Simone edged Cole (Bob Jarman's nephew) of Palo Alto by a stem in the championship, Dan and I made some adjustments to the rear track barbs (nails).

Throwing caution to the wind (or was that just phantom noise from that loopy carnival ride), Evan and I agreed to race off-track. Gadzukilla and Evan's racer -- a k a Galloping Gourd -- survived the four-foot, nearly vertical drop to cheers from the crowd of half-dozens ringing the race course. On the straightaway Gadzukilla was rolling ahead when Galloping Gourd broadsided Gadzukilla's most vulnerable spot -- the rear wheels. After slowing Gadzukilla's momentum with the glancing sideswipe, Galloping Gourd gained the lead and sped across the line three-quarters of a gourd before Gadzukilla.

I didn't protest the race and Evan sprinted away with the ribbon and a grin. I'm not discouraged, though. I'll return next year with a gourd full of knowledge from my rookie zuke racing season. I know to spend the extra $2.58 on two more doll bicycles. I also might even learn my wife's fancy racing terms and how to grow a gargantuan zucchini. Watch for me and Gadzukilla II at the 2002 Zuke 500. We will squash the competition.

Sharon Kivisto and Matt Pranger
can be reached:
phone: 360.378.3748 fax: 360.378.9748
by e-mail: news@sanjuanislander.com

by mail: San Juan Islander
PO Box 1118
Friday Harbor, WA 98250 USA

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San Juan County Fair Zucchini Race photos

Glorious gourd garners gawks in Zucchini 500