SHABBY BOAT CONTEST
And the winners are:
posted 06/11/05
After reading the entries, the judge has determined the winners of the Shabby Boat contest. Participants sent in suggested responses to a letter from a Bellingham man complaining about the "proliferation of shabby boats littering your waters." (The letter is posted at the bottom of this page.) The winner in each category receives a Port of Friday Harbor coffee mug.
Diplomatic and positive
In the 'diplomatic and positive' category, the winner and recipient of the coveted Port mug is Deborah for this response:
Dear Mr. Sandiland,
Your e-mail message regarding the shabby boats in Friday Harbor was forwarded to me last Friday by Steve Simpson, Director of the Port of Friday Harbor. Please know that the Port has been urging the appropriate agencies to deal with this problem for several years. As of January 1 we have a County Commissioner who is also concerned with the problem because he has a special interest in marine resources. San Juan Island residents, businesses and the tourism industry are all hoping that this problem will be dealt with soon so that Friday Harbor continues to attract boaters such as you. Thank you for your time in voicing your concerns as this will help our cause.
Sincerely,
Deborah
Diplomatic but negative
In the diplomatic but negative category this entry from Chris wins the mug:
I daresay that the fishers proud
Who caught the fish that fed the crowd
Who gathered on the shores of Galilee
Had shabby boats indeed, you know.
But He cared not, you see, and so
We will be no more critical than He.
The donkey that he rode that day
Was shabby, so the people say;
A donkey, after all, is not a steed.
But it was good enough for Him;
He saw the heart, and not the trim.
Yes, shabby can be beautiful indeed.
Sarcastic but printable:
In the sarcastic but printable category this gem from Brandon takes the prize:
Dear Sir Mike,
Thank you for your concern regarding vessels in our waters deemed as "shabby." I would like to assure you that the Port of Friday Harbor is aware of this problem and is extremely concerned. We are doing everything in our power to solve this unsightly problem and to rid our waters of unseaworthy vessels.
The first step we are taking is to create a working definition of what denotes an "undesirable boat." Currently we are taking citizen input to determine criteria for our definition. Our next step will be to create a database of boats which do not meet our criteria. Any boats seen as "undesirable" will immediately be asked to leave our waters. If the boat remains longer than 48 hours the boat will be seized and auctioned to the public as a source of revenue for the Port of Friday Harbor.
To date, these are the criteria currently being regarded as undesirable:
- Vessels that are leaking oil/fuel into our waterways.
- Vessels that are seen as a menace to our citizenship, i.e. the U.S. Customs cigarette boat outfitted with four two-stroke 225 horsepower engines.
- Vessels which do not abide by harbor rules such as no wake zones, no fishing zones and sewage discharge rules will be given a warning and repeat violators will be impounded.
- Any vessel which has an assessed value which is greater than the average home value of the San Juan Islands.
- Any vessel which can consume more gas in an hour than a passenger car uses in an average week.
- Any vessel seen using our precious fresh water supply to wash the salt off their boats. Boats are not slugs, and thus any boat that cannot tolerate saltwater will be deemed unseaworthy and immediately removed and auctioned.
- Any vessel with a jet ski onboard or associated with it.
- Any vessel which looks "Shabby," i.e. resembles a shower insert and/or a Hoover vacuum cleaner.
Please enclose detailed pictures of your vessel along with accessory list, vessel documentation, copies of your insurance policy, and a recent survey with an assessed value to:
The Port of Friday Harbor
Friday Harbor, WA 98250
Thank you for your cooperation in this important matter.
Sarcastic but unprintable
The sarcastic but unprintable prize was won by Ken from Alaska with a scorcher that gave the editor of this paper a moral shock that she is still undergoing therapy for. If you really want to read it, write to: harleyblackbird@yahoo.com and you'll receive a copy but only if you're over 18. Hell, make that 30. Meanwhile, winners will be contacted and prizes sent. Thanks to all who had a little fun with this.
Shabby boat contest
posted 06/11/05
A letter from a Bellingham man to the Port of Friday Harbor complaining about the "proliferation of shabby boats littering your waters." has triggered a "Shabby Boat" contest. The winner in each category will receive a Port of Friday Harbor coffee mug.
- Best diplomatic, positive response.
- Best diplomatic but negative response
- Best sarcastic but printable response
- Best unprintable response
Only one entry per e-mail address and state your category at the top of the page. Send entries to: contest@sanjuanislander.com
Letter from Mike of Bellingham
Sir,
We are boaters and hail from Bellingham. We used to like to spend time in Friday Harbor but have gradually gone off the place in the last couple of years due to the proliferation of shabby boats littering your waters.
Behind the marina there are many shabby boats swinging on moorings.
In the north end of the bay there are derelicts on the bottom on the beach and many shabby boats swinging on anchors.
Right in the middle of the bay there are several shabby boats rafted together, one of which always seems to be sinking.
Down in the south end of the bay there is even more crap swinging in the wind.
We do not like looking at this mess and are now limiting our time in Friday Harbor because of it.
We are writing local business owners whose businesses we used to frequent to tell them of our shunning of your waters and their businesses.
We would appreciate hearing from you about your intentions toward this mess.
Cordially,
Mike
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